The Old Traditional Story
by Claire Violet Thorpe
Summary: In which Charlie Bone and his friends go on "the Greatest Adventure of their lives" while, the Bloors and their cohorts who are always up to no good must deal with the evil Lord Voldemort, who wants to take over the school. NOW COMPLETED!
1. A Word from the Author

Dear readers of my fanfiction stories,

I'm planning to make a Charlie Bone cartoon to be broadcasted on YouTube in a few months and the thing is, not everyone knows what the story is about.

So, I'm going to create the old traditional story in movie form and it's about Charlie Bone and his friends going on "_the Greatest Adventure of their lives_." Meanwhile, the Bloors and their cohorts are up to no good and someone accidentally unleashes an ancient evil upon the school.

Charlie and his friends escape from the disaster and now they get stuck in the wizarding world. With new friends, a wizard who's just plain insane, and an unexpected ally, can the kids save the school, or will evil take over their city?

Well, tell me what you think of it, as this idea came to me and it wouldn't leave me alone until it was written.

Yours truly,

_Claire Violet Thorpe_

P.S. I don't own anything but this story. And if you try to steal it, I will have your account deleted. Thank you.


	2. Prologue

And now to begin the story...

WARNING: this part may contian a Star Wars-like intro and an ultra-cheesy song. Please read at your own discretion. Thank you.

* * *

(_cheesy music_)

**Charlie**: (_thinking of really cool title for the movie_)

**Emma**: What are you doing, Charlie?

**Charlie**: Oh, nothing much; just thinking of an really cool title for the movie.

**Lysander**: And what movie is that?

**Charlie**: Oh you know...OUR movie!

**Tancred**: OUR movie?

**Olivia**: Since when did WE have a movie?

**Gabriel**: Since the copyrighted infringement of "_Star Wars_" that comes in the beginning of the movie just came on like five seconds ago.

**All**: HUH?!

* * *

(**Star Wars** _Theme Song__ plays_)  
It was just another boring day in the life of a certain Charlie Bone. That was, until the Bloor's wicked deeds unleashed a terrible evil upon the school and caused nothing but trouble for the city.

And with that, Charlie Bone set off with his friends Emma Tolly, Olivia Vertigo, Tancred Torsson, Lysander Sage, and Gabriel Silk and they all went on the Greatest Adventure of their lives. Along the way they make new friends, dodge terrible enemies, and discover a secret that could change the city forever...

Ahahahahahahahahahaha spoofing shows is fun lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol And also they all decided that going to Hogwarts is better than going to Bloors and some other stuff bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha and poor Billy Raven ends up being the damsel in distress and stuff muahahahahahahahaha and Manfred is just a wimp who needs to join Charlie Bone and ditch his messed up family...ok, I'll shut up now. (**Star Wars** _Theme Song__ ends_)

* * *

**Gabriel**: So, what did you think about the title, Charlie?

**Charlie**: Ok, now I'm upset.

**All**: Why?

**Charlie**: It's not the really cool title for the movie that I wanted.

**Olivia**: So what DO you want the title for the movie to be?

**Charlie**: Oh forget about it! (_he storms off_)

* * *

(_cheesy music plays and Children of the Red King dance_)

**Random woman singing**: It's that time again, when a story is being told, and nobody knows what's it about.

**Random man singing**: They say that all old stories are the best, never mind the rest. But there's one story that we all swear by.

**Both**: And...IT'S THE OLD TRADITONAL STORY!!! The story with traditional things in it, like magic and action, romance and fantasy. THE OLD TRADITONAL STORY, where we can go on the greatest adventure of our lives! Leave the modern stuff at home and come with us on the grand old adventure! It's gonna be the greatest adventure of our lives!!! (_cheesy song ends_)

I hope I didn't scare you all too much with the cheesiest song in the history of man!

And next time, just another normal boring day at Bloors.

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	3. Another Boring Day at Bloor's

Scene: This story takes place at Bloor's Academy, where students gifted in music, drama, and art attend under the eyes of the Bloor family. But somehow, the Bloors have also taken in several children who were endowed in other ways. They were called the Children of the Red King.

Charlie Bone, who is descended from a magician king and a wizard, was unfortunate enough to have an endowment, which got him sent to that forbidding school. He managed to make some friends and stay out of trouble, more like got himself into trouble as well.

But now it is a new term and Charlie is going to try to stay out of trouble. And as usual, trouble always finds him...

WARNING: this part may contain a crazy old man singing "_The Spell of Love_" and wearing Hello Kitty pajamas. Please read with caution. Thank you.

And now for a normal, boring day at Bloor's.

* * *

(_boring music. everyone is at Bloor's_)

**Dr. Bloor**: Hello, and welcome to Bloor's Academy of Fine Arts. (_applause_) And here, I expect you to conduct yourselves as becoming of a fine arts student...

**Manfred**: BORING!!!

**Ezekiel**: Shut up, Manfred!

**Manfred**: Why don't _YOU_???

**Dr. Bloor**: That's enough, you two! And now, we will have the singing portion of our show. (_Charlie and Billy walk to the stage and begin to sing_)

**Charlie & Billy**: Oh I went down south just to get away from it all but somehow they whisked us away to the ball, we met pretty girls, but wizards carried us away, and they wouldn't let us go! (_applause_)

**Ezekiel**: Me next! Me next! I wanna sing "_The Spell of Love_"!

**Manfred**: You nicked that from **Potter Puppet Pals**, didn't you?

**Ezekiel**: Shut up, Manfred! I will sing! (_music starts_) Without the spell of love, the world would fall apart! You don't need a wand when you have magic in your heart! All your other organs are useless pieces of flab, my friend, when compared to the spell of love! With love you can sing of the joy that it can bring, with love you can fly on a rainbow in the sky, with love you can dance without any pants on...(_Ezekiel pulls his clothes off and is wearing Hello Kitty pajamas. record comes to a screeching halt. kids scream_)

**Manfred**: Ugh! Grandpa, those are _my _Hello Kitty pajamas! Grrrrr!!!

_To be continued..._  
_Potter Puppet Pals_ is the property of Neil Cicierega.

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	4. When Evil Wizards Attack

Scene: In this scene, Lord Voldemort and his cohorts are planning to cause nothing but trouble for the Bloor's. They are seen hiding behind the school watching the festivities.

WARNING: this part may contain evil wizards being really evil. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_evil wizards unleash ancient evil upon Bloors_)

**Wormtail**: I just don't see why we have to do this. They're not even magical.

**Snape**: Of course we have to do this. It's about time someone taught those no-good idiots a lesson on who the real magical people are!

**Bellatrix**: Yeah! Just because they're related to some magician doesn't give them the right to act like they're all high-and-mighty and think that they're better than everyone else!

**Lucius**: Hey! I said I was sorry! Geez! (_Bellatrix opens a box and all kinds of evil things spring from it_)

**Bellatrix**: Hahahahahahaha! Let the fun begin!

(_Lord Voldemort puts a huge curse on Bloors_)

**Voldemort**: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Now the school is mine!

**Wormtail**: But Master, why are we hurting these people? They're not even muggles!

**Snape**: Don't listen to him; he's a whiny little rat.

**Voldemort**: We now have the power! Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

**Bellatrix**: Ok, Master, you're getting ahead of yourself.

**Voldemort**: I'm going to be the greatest wizard there ever was!

**Lucius**: Would you cut that out? (_people are watching them_) People are beginning to stare!

**Voldemort**: (_singing_) It's gonna be great; it's gonna be great, I can see Bellatrix hitting me with a box of Frosted Flakes...(_Bellatrix throws a box of Frosted Flakes at his head and it hits him. Death Eaters stare at him_) Oh, sorry about that. And now to put a curse on the school: They will know no peace until they give up every magical kid they have at the school! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Uh-oh! Looks like Voldemort wants to steal all the endowed children from Bloors! Will his plan succeed?

We'll be back soon!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	5. The Escape to London

Scene: In this scene, Lord Voldemort and his cohorts crash the festivities and Charlie and his friends are forced to escape and get help. They all go to the Pet's Cafe to get supplies and Norton (the bouncer) gets them to the train station, where they catch the next train to London.

WARNING: this part may contain evil wizards being really evil. And a crazy person. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_back at Bloor's_)

**Weedon**: Uh Harold, I've just received word that some evil wizards are breaking into the school...

**Dr. Bloor**: WHAT??? WIZARDS AT BLOOR'S??? IN THIS SCHOOL??? (_pandemonium breaks out_)

**Charlie**: What do we do now?

**Dr. Bloor**: Charlie, you must go up to the Order of the Phoenix and get help immediately! Take your friends.

**Ezekiel**: Yes, help us, Charlie Bone! Put that talent of yours to some good use and save us!

**Charlie**: Allright guys, let's go! (_he, Billy, Gabriel, Lysander, Tancred, Olivia, Emma, and Fidelio take off towards the door_)

**Tracy**: Tancred, be careful!

**Tancred**: Don't worry, Tracy. I'll come back for you...(_Emma pulls his ear_)

**Emma**: C'mon Tanc, let's GO!!! (_exciting music plays_) Where do we go first?

**Fidelio**: To the Pet's Cafe for supplies!

**Ezekiel**: Be careful, Children of the Red King! There are evil wizards out there! And vampires! And werewolves! And crazy people! You must save us all!!! (_kids leave_)

(_The Pet's Cafe_)

**Charlie**: Ok, now that we're here, let's get some supplies!!

**Olivia**: Yeah! Hopefully, Mrs. Onimous is doing better...(_just then a crazy person shows up_)

**Crazy Person**: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Finally, I've been trying to catch you brats all day! And now that I got you right where I want you...(_Tancred zaps him and blows him away_)

**Tancred**: Man, that person was annoying!!! (_Norton shows up_)

**Norton**: Uh, what are you kids doing here?

**Charlie**: Some evil wizards are trying to take over the school.

**Norton**: What??? Oh my goodness! I must get you kids outta here!"

**Billy**: Why?

**Norton**: The evil wizard wants you because you're all magic!

**Fidelio**: What??? That's crazy!!!

**Norton**: I know! I gotta get you kids outta here or else he'll show up! Let's take my motorcycle! (_some people are seen taking his motorcycle_) Come back here with my motorcycle!!! (_he and the kids chase after the motorcycle thieves_)

(_the kids and Norton are chasing the people who stole Norton's motorcycle in the last episode_)

**Charlie**: We can't keep up with them! They're much too fast!

**Norton**: Of course! It's your capes! They're slowing you down! Take them off! (_The kids take off their capes and hand them to Norton_) Now on to the train station!

**Tancred**: But how are we going to get there? Remember, somebody stole your motorcycle.

**Norton**: I have a plan! (_within a few minutes, they all hitch a ride in a pickup truck and the truck goes to the train station. truck driver goes to be back of his truck and sees the kids and Norton_)

**Driver**: Holy crap! You're that guy who tried to off Orvil Onimous!

**Emma**: Is that true? I thought Norton was nice!

**Fidelio**: Me too!

**Driver**: Norton! You're the doorman to the Pet's Cafe! Now you're kidnapping children! I will call the police and have them arrest you!

**Norton**: Jig's up, kids! Run for it! (_they all jump out the truck and run into the train station_)

**Driver**: Stop him! He tried to kill Orvil Onimous! (_pandemonium breaks out. Norton and the kids reach a train_) STOP THAT MAN!!! HE'S STEALING THE CHILDREN!!!

**Lysander**: We're not gonna make it! There's too many people here! (_Norton is captured_) Oh no! Norton's been captured!

**Olivia**: Oh no! What should we do?

**Gabriel**: Can we go back for him?

**Norton**: NO! Just keep going! Don't look back! (_kids hop on board a train heading for London_)

**Billy**: Oh no! What about Norton?

**Charlie**: It's too late to save him now! All we have to do is go to London and find the Order of the Phoenix. It's the only way we can save Bloor's.

**Fidelio**: Well then, let's hop to it! We don't have time to waste worrying about anything else.

And with Norton's capture, Charlie and his friends are now without an adult companion. What adventures will await them when they get to London? Stay tuned!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	6. A Hostile Takeover

Scene: In this scene, Lord Voldemort and his cohorts had crashed the festivities and Charlie and his friends are forced to escape. Now they're taking over Bloor's.

WARNING: this part may contain evil wizards being really evil. And a crazy person. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_Meanwhile at Bloor's; Voldemort has taken over the school and he demands all endowed children be handed over to him_)

**Voldemort**: I have now taken over your school. Hand me every endowed child you have and I'll spare your pathetic lives.

**Weedon**: Like hell you will!

**Voldemort**: (_waving his wand_) AVADA KEDAVRA!!! (_Weedon falls down dead_) Anyone else want to challenge me? (_everyone gasps and several children step forward_) And what are your names?

**Asa**: Asa Pike.

**Joshua**: Joshua Tilpin.

**Dorcas**: Dorcas Loom.

**Dagbert**: Dagbert Endless.

**Inez**: Inez Branko.

**Idith**: Idith Branko.

**Voldemort**: Very well. Since you are endowed, I am to teach you everything about the wizarding world, for you are to live in it and not the muggle world. Say hello to your new teachers Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Severus Snape.

**Wormtail**: Pass. I have no desire to teach magic to a bunch of snot-nosed, stuck-up brats!

**Voldemort**: And Wormtail will be teaching whenever Severus is unable to teach.

**Wormtail**: I have a name, it's Peter Pettigrew and don't any of you little punks forget it!

**Voldemort**: Whatever. And the rest of you will...Wormtail, what was I going to do with them?

**Wormtail**: Uhhhhh, I don't know.

**Bellatrix**: Let's teach them that they're not worth anything because they're muggles! I shall zap them until they concede!!!!

**Lucius**: Or we can have them as our prisoners.

**Snape**: Maybe we can have them...provide us with some entertainment. They are a performing arts school, aren't they?

**Voldemort**: I agree. You will perform for us and any wizard who wishes to visit. Fail and you'll be zapped by Bellatrix. Now start performing! (_the other kids hurry and grab costumes, instruments, and paints. Bartholomew Bloor sees all and says to Naren_)

**Bartholomew**: Naren, we need to get you out now.

**Naren**: Why?

**Bartholomew**: Because there's bad wizards in Bloor's and I can't let them find you.

**Naren**: But where will I go?

**Bartholomew**: London. We'll take the train. (_He, Naren, and Meng pack their things and drive to the station, where Naren is sent to London_)

Bartholomew wonders if he did the right thing by sending Naren away. But that'll be the least of his worries when he somehow runs into someone he didn't expect to see again. What will happen next?

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	7. London

Scene: In this scene, Charlie and his friends end up in London where they discover an unexpeted companion. Also, Harry and his hated family sneak away and watch _Braveheart_.

WARNING: this part may contain evil wizards being really evil. And a crazy person. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_in London_)

**Harry**: Man I hate shopping days. I'm so bored I wanna scream!

**Vernon**: Yeah, me too.

**Dudley**: Let's sneak away and watch a movie.

**Vernon**: Ok, what did you have in mind?

**Dudley**: _Pocahontas_!

**Harry**: You'd watch a Disney movie? Disney movies are a waste of time!

**Jacquel**: I couldn't have agreed more. Let's watch _Braveheart_!

**Vernon**: Now that's what I call a good movie! (_they all sneak away from Petunia and go to a theater to watch Braveheart_)

***************

(_meanwhile..._)

**Charlie**: I hope this Order of the Phoenix will actually listen to us!

**Lysander**: You and me both, dude!

**Tancred**: I say the Bloor's must be daft as to rely on us to help them. It's not like we actually _care_ about them, isn't it? (_Manfred jumps out from behind them_)

**Manfred**: Oh, you'd better care all right!

**All**: Manfred??? How did you get in here???

**Manfred**: Well how should I put this: a bunch of evil wizards showed up at Bloor's and took over the school.

**Charlie**: Right. And we should care because...

**Manfred**: They are using all the endowed children to do evil.

**All**: (_gasp_)

**Manfred**: And worse, they're holding my father and Ezekiel prisoner.

**Billy**: Oh, what will we do?

**Manfred**: I don't know.

(_in London_)

**Charlie**: It's all your fault, Manfred!

**Manfred**: Why?

**Charlie**: If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in this stupid situation!

**Manfred**: Oh, so now you're blaming me?

**Charlie**: Heck yeah!

**Manfred**: Oh I dare you!

**Charlie**: Bring it on, punkface!

**Manfred**: Make me! (_they both start fighting as the others watch_)

***************

(_meanwhile..._)

**Petunia**: (_finishes the shopping_) I wonder where they went. (_she sees them leaving leaving the theater_) Where have you been?

**Vernon**: Just to the movies.

**Petunia**: You took them to see _Pocahontas_, didn't you?

**Dudley**: No, Disney movies are a waste of time. We saw _Braveheart_ instead.

**Petunia**: _Braveheart_??? You took them to see an R-rated movie???

**Vernon**: What?? Oh, come on now, Petunia. There's no way in this hell I'm taking them to see _Pocahontas_. That movie's not even historically accurate and they besmirched the name of an American heroine.

**Petunia**: I understand Jacquel not watching it, but Dudley's still a baby!

**Vernon**: Petunia! Dudley is 14 years old. He's not a baby anymore!

**Petunia**: It doesn't matter. You can take Jacquel and Harry to R-rated movies all you want, but NOT my little baby boy!

**Dudley**: But mommy, I'm not a baby, I'm a man! I'm an anchorman!

**Jacquel**: You're not a man, Dudley! You're just a great big fat wuss! (_The Cullens are watching this unfold_)

**Cullens**: Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh!!!

**Harry**: Hahahahahahah! You're totally right, Jacquel. He is a wuss.

**Dudley**: That's not very nice, Harry!

So with Petunia and Vernon arguing about Dudley and Charlie and Manfred fighting, will anything get done??  
Stay tuned!!!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	8. Caught by MeyerPires!

Scene: In this scene, Charlie and Manfred have gotten into a fight and the Cullens have shown up.

WARNING: this part may contain evil wizards being really evil. And a crazy vampire. And lots of blood. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_still in London_)

**Charlie**: You're gonna take back what you said!!

**Manfred**: Make me!

**Charlie**: You're such an idiot!

**Manfred**: Still insulting me, _Boney_?

**Charlie**: I'm so kicking your ass!!!

**Manfred**: Let's bounce! (_he smacks Charlie in the face and breaks his nose. The others freak out as Charlie clutches his bloody nose. And the Cullens have arrived._)

**Carlisle**: Quickly Esme, get the kids! I need to see that boy's nose! (_Esme gathers the kids to her side and Jasper pounces on Charlie_)

**Jasper**: Mmmmmmm, blood! Yummy! (_He licks Charlie's broken nose. Charlie screams in fright and Rosalie slaps him_)

**Rosalie**: Jasper, down! (_Alice, Emmet, and Rosalie drag him away. Carlisle looks at Charlie's nose._)

**Carlisle**: I see that you had some kind of briuse and you need to have that checked out. (_Meanwhile, Bella shows up._)

**Bella**: What's going on?

**Emmett**: Thank God you're here, Bella! We can't hold him much longer!

**Bella**: Oh Jasper? Want some of my blood?

**Jasper**: Your blood?

**Alice**: Bella what are you doing?

**Bella**: Saving that boy's life. (_Just then, Edward shows up with a bunch of fangirls following him_)

**Charlie**: Uhhhhh, help! He's trying to drink my blood! (_Apparently, Jasper pounced on Charlie and is licking his nose_)

**Edward**: Jasper, NO! Get away from him!

**Jasper**: But Eddie, why would I want to not drink such delicious blood?

**Carlisle**: Jasper, what did I say about human blood?

**Esme**: It's bad for you.

**Jasper**: You people are too soft! The boy's blood is mine! (_he attacks Charlie as everyone watches helplessly. Harry is seen pulling out his wand and zapping him_)

**Harry**: Prefectus totalus! (_Jasper falls to the ground_)

**Vernon**: Harry, did you just...

**Random woman**: ...save that boy's life? (_Petunia sees Jasper, screams, and faints_)

**Random man**: He must have been one crazy vampire!

**Naren**: (_stepping off the train and seeing everything_) Hey, what'd I miss?

Well, Charlie gets attacked by Jasper and the others are more or less in the custody of the Cullens, will ANYTHING get done??  
Stay tuned!!!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	9. Interlude

Scene: Interlude.

In the next chapter, Charlie and his friends will be attending Hogwarts with Harry and the Cullens and Lord Voldemort will begin his reign of terror at Bloor's.

WARNING: this part may contain another cheesy song with even cheesier lyrics. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_cheesy music plays and Charlie, Tancred, Lysander, Fidelio, Gabriel, Olivia, Emma, Billy, Manfred, and Naren dance_)

**Random woman singing**: It's a strange new world I'm in right now, with wizards, and witches, and vampires and werewolves; and I'm smack dab in the thick of it all.

**Random man singing**: But its only the beginning of the greatest adventure of our lives; and we can only move forward now...

**Both**: And...IT'S THE OLD TRADITIONAL STORY!!! The story with vampires, werewolves, wizards and witches. THE OLD TRADITIONAL STORY, where you'll never know what can happen next! Now we go to chapter 2 of the grand old adventure! It's gonna be the greatest adventure of our lives!!! (_cheesy song ends_)

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	10. Mission On Hold

Scene: Charlie and his friends are being questioned by Dr. Cullen and he says they must put their mission on hold and attend a new school.

WARNING: this part may contain a cheesy song with lyrics that spoof Monty Python & the Holy Grail, Hogwarts cosplayers, and some name-calling. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_at a small cottage in London_)

**Carlisle**: Now once again, why are you children here?

**Charlie**: We were sent here by Dr. Bloor to ask the Order of the Phoenix for help because the Dark Lord Voldemort is attacking Bloor's! (_everyone gasps_)

**Manfred**: And then they take off without inviting me...

**Charlie**: Shut up, dumbass!!!

**Manfred**: Why don't you? (_he and Charlie start fighting until Esme pulls them apart._)

**Esme**: I will not have any of that name-calling or fighting! Now, you two will CALMLY tell us what is happening, and there will be NO MORE fighting or name-calling. Is that understood?

**Charlie & Manfred**: Yes, ma'am.

**Olivia**: As was mentioned before, we're supposed to go to London and ask the Order of the Phoenix for help because Dr. Bloor asked us to get them to help because some evil wizard is attacking our school.

**Carlisle**: I see. That man has no right to even bear the title of "Dr." His family is an insult to our kind.

**Charlie**: But we still have a mission...

**Carlisle**: One which you won't complete, I'm afraid.

**Emma**: Why not?

**Jasper**: Your headmaster wanted you out of the way so he can do bad things and destroy the city without you stopping him.

**Bella**: Jasper!!

**Rosalie**: What? He's just telling them the truth.

**Alice**: Nothing wrong with that. And besides, you children need to be as far away from You-Know-Who as possible or he'll brainwash you into accepting his evil ideals.

**Edward**: So no, you're not going anywhere, but to Hogwarts.

**Fidelio**: What's a Hogwarts?

**Harry**: Hogwarts? Aye, it's my school!

**Billy**: Can you show us?

**Harry **: Sure. (_they walk to a castle disguised as Hogwarts._) Well, this is actually a cosplay that the drama students are doing about life in the wizarding world. Now look at the castle built to resemble Hogwarts! (_dramatic music plays_)

**Charlie**: Hogwarts!

**Gabriel**: Hogwarts!

**Olivia**: Hogwarts!

**Tancred**: Hogwarts!

**Manfred**: It's only a model. (_everyone stares at him_) Well, the good stuff has got to be inside. (_wacky music plays and cosplayers dressed as Hogwarts students dance_)

**Random cosplayers**: Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, where we do magic all the time; it's so much fun to fly around and play a rousing game of Quidditch! Here at Hogwarts, you can do whatever you want; cast magic spells, annoy the teachers, impress all your friends! Oh what a great school to be at you'll never have another like Hogwarts! Hogwarts, our beloved school, Hogwarts, we love you! (_fireworks go off and people cheer_)

**Jasper**: On second thought, let's not go there.

**Bella**: I agree. It is a rather terrible place.

**Harry**: Oh don't you guys worry; the real Hogwarts is a 1,000 times better than this pile of crap. Speaking of which, why don't we go there right now?

So with the mission being put on the back burner, will Charlie and his friends have to attend a new school?  
Stay tuned!!!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	11. Back to the Drawing Board

Scene: At Bloor's, the Dark Lord comes up with a plan to teach his archnemesis a lesson in wizarding life

WARNING: this part may contain evil wizards who stopped being evil, Dumbledore-bashing, and some rude comments about a certain Scotswoman. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_at the King's Room in Bloors_)

**Voldemort**: Now that you children are here, I shall teach you all to zap muggles and mudbloods, intimidate half-bloods, and reprimand blood-traitors.

**Asa**: But aren't you promoting racism and discrimination and possible genocide?

**Joshua**: Yeah! Last guy who did that, they tried to blow his head off.

**Wormtail**: What was his name?

**Dorcas**: Adolf Hitler! (_just then everything in the world came to a screeching halt_)

**Lucius**: WHAT??? ADOLF HITLER??? THAT MAN WAS A MONSTER!!!

**Snape**: That man murdered millions of people for no reason!

**Voldemort**: And I had to watch that happen and stuff like that! *SIGH* I suppose you kids are right. Perhaps I am trying to become nothing more than an evil tyrant. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

**Bellatrix**: What will we do now?

**Wormtail**: Oh I don't know. Perhaps our very lives are being controlled by some Scottish woman bent on making us evil and scaring off little kids. I just don't wanna be evil!!

**Snape**: Oh, you're not evil, Wormy. You're just Judas Iscariot.

**Wormtail**: See what I mean? That guy betrayed his teacher, and they nailed him to a tree just for suggesting that it would be nice if we all got along and took care of each other and our world.

**Lucius**: Ok, but we still have to figure out how to educate the kids and plan revenge on Dumbledore. He did ruin your life after all, the gay moron!

**Bellatrix**: Lucius!! There are children present!!

**Snape**: Absolutely.

**Lucius**: SORRY!!! And besides, the children need to be taught to know their place. (_to the children_) Now what were your names again?

**Asa**: Asa Pike.

**Joshua**: Joshua Tilpin.

**Dorcas**: Dorcas Loom.

**Dagbert**: Dagbert Endless.

**Inez**: Inez Branko.

**Idith**: Idith Branko.

**Lucius**: So, Asa, Joshua, Dorcas, Dagbert, Inez, and Idith, you are going to be trained by us to intimidate muggles, humiliate idiots, and cause nothing but trouble for all those who hate magic.

**Voldemort**: Good idea! But first, we must find a plan to destroy Dumbledore's reputation.

**Wormtail**: How?

**Voldemort**: Because the Scotswoman had it in her mind to fool the people by saying that Dumbledore was good. But if he were really good, then why would he leave a child with people who hate him? Why would he kill a woman who saw right through him? Why would he then place the woman's baby in a potentially abusive household? Why would he use a teenaged boy as a weapon to defeat me?

**Wormtail**: More like a shield me thinks.

**Bellatrix**: I agree.

**Voldemort**: And then the Scottish woman said that he was gay. GAY!!! Can you believe it?

**Death Eaters**: No way!

**Asa**: So, what exactly are you planning to teach us?

**Voldemort**: I'm going to be teaching you kids how to humiliate Dumbledore, because while he hides under the guise of a grandfatherly wizard like Gandalf, he's more of a murdering monster who _must_be stopped at all costs! Now who wants to save the world?

**Asa**: I do!

**Dorcas**: Me too!

**Joshua**: Yeah! Save the world!

**Dagbert**: I'll drown the old man!

**Inez & Idith**: He'll be crying uncle when we get through with him!

**Voldemort**: That's the spirit! But we can't do this alone! We must bring in some other children who want to help us dethrone Dumbledore!

**Wormtail**: What about your little friends in those bad fanfiction stories?

**Bellatrix**: Good. I'll get them.

**Snape**: I'll go spy on Dumbledore.

**Lucius**: Make sure he knows nothing of our new plans! (_Snape leaves_)

**Voldemort**: (_staring at a picture of Dumbledore_) Hahahaha, so the foolish old man still wants to play Gandalf to all those poor suckers out there. Well, I'm ready to play your little game! But be forewarned, even old wizards can be evil, just ask Saruman!

**Saruman**: Hey! I resent that remark!

**Voldemort**: It's the hard truth. Live with it. And besides, Everyone thinks Christopher Lee is better than you.

**Saruman**: Shut up.

(_Meanwhile, Snape meets with Dumbledore_)

**Snape**: I've got some news for you, Albus.

**Dumbledore**: Yes?

**Snape**: Lord Voldemort is planning to attack some boarding school in a faraway town.

**Dumbledore**: Good for him. At least it'll keep him occupied while we train Harry to take him down!

Voldemort's new plan may not be popular with the common people, but will it bring an end to the wizarding war?  
Tune in next time, folks!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	12. The UnReal Hogwarts

Scene: At Hogwarts, where Dumbledore is about to hold a very important meeting and finds out about Charlie Bone and his friends

WARNING: this part may Dumbledore being a moron, off-topic card-playing, and some werewolf/vampire rivalry. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_in the Great Hall in Hogwarts_)

**Dumbledore**: I have an announcement to make: Lord Voldemort has apparently given up on his quest to kill Harry Potter!

**All**: Hooray!

**Snape**: But he may have another plan in mind; we don't know it yet, but he may be planning something else.

**Flitwick**: Like what?

**Snape**: I don't know yet, but he's planning something. But anyway, I've just received word that some children are coming to see us.

**McGonagall**: But why are they here?

**Hooch**: I heard they were coming to ask for our help, since the Dark Lord was attacking their school.

**Snape**: I know about that. I was there.

**Hagrid**: So you know about what his next plans are?

**Snape**: No, I don't know about his next plans, but we better watch ourselves. We let our guard down too much, and he just might remember us and attack us.

**Sprout**: So what do we do now?

**Snape**: Nothing. We wait for them to arrive. Meanwhile, who wants to play Snappers? (_everyone grabs cards and begins playing Snappers_)

(_meanwhile_…)

**Charlie**: That's the real Hogwarts?

**Harry**: That's right. It's much better than those cosplayers had, isn't it?

**Jasper**: Good. No singing cosplayers in this one.

**Bella**: See? Harry made good on his promise after all!

**Lysander**: So we'll just simply march up there and ask for their help. (_Jacob Black and his friends show up_)

**Jacob**: Hahahahahahaha! I beat you bloodsuckers to it!

**Edward**: Grrrrr!!! How the heck did you beat us here, wolf-boy?

**Charlie**: Oh *_great_*! Another Asa!

While the teachers are busy, Charlie and his friends reached Hogwarts. But will Dumbledore help him or hinder him? See you soon with another episode in the Old Traditional Story!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	13. Let's Bounce?

Scene: At the grounds of Hogwarts, where Jacob and Edward are about to fight.

WARNING: this part may contain some werewolf/vampire rivalry, werewolf bouncing, and kids watching _Watchmen_. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_at the grounds at Hogwarts_)

**Jacob**: Hahahahahahaha! I told you I'd beat you here!

**Edward**: You're a moron, Jacob Black. A complete and total moron.

**Jacob**: Oh yeah?

**Edward**: Yeah!

**Jacob**: Let's bounce! (_Embry and Quil start jumping_) Uh, what the hell are you guys doing?

**Quil**: Bouncing.

**Embry**: It's fun, Jake. You should try it sometime.

**Paul**: C'mon, guys! Let's all bounce! (_everyone begins jumping around_)

**Jacob**: No no no! When I say _let's bounce_, I mean I'm gonna kick his butt!! Now _let's bounce_!

**Edward**: _Bounce_? That is sooo street talk! I say I'm gonna kick your butt!

**Jacob**: Fine by me! (_they start fighting_)

-------------------------------------------------

(_meanwhile at Bloor's_)

**Bellatrix**: I'm back, master! Look who's here with me! (_At once, Corrie Anne, Tyler, Chloe, Addison, Bartok, Maddy, Ivy, Donnie, Slade, and Treasure show up_)

**Voldemort**: Good. Now we can finally have our revenge. (to the kids) You guys know what to do.

**Kids**: Watch movies?

**Voldemort**: Right. Which movie do you want to see?

**Treasure**: How about _Watchmen_!

**Wormtail**: But that's a rated R movie!

**Treasure**: Shut up! I say we're watching _Watchmen_! No, we're not watching _Monsters vs. Aliens_!

**Wormtail**: But I wanna...

**Voldemort**: Worrmtail, we're watching _Watchmen_ and that's final! Everyone into the car now!

**Asa**: What about us?

**Bellatrix**: You're coming with us as well! Now let's go!!

-------------------------------------------

Uhhhhhh, no comment on this episode. More to follow...

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	14. Stuck at Hogwarts

Scene: At the grounds of Hogwarts, in which Dumbledore is insane, Voldemort watches movies, and Charlie and his friends are mistaken for exchange students.

WARNING: this part may contain some an insane Dumbledore, angry Charlie and his friends, a suspicious Jacob, and kids watching _Watchmen_. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

**Dumbledore**: Ahhh, there are the students who are coming to live at my school. Welcome!

**Charlie**: Uh, we're not who you think we are.

**Dumbledore**: Yes you are. You're going to live at our school.

**Charlie**: But I'm Charlie Bone, and I'm coming here to ask for your help. Some evil wizard has taken over my school and its headmaster needs your help to kick him out!

**Dumbledore**: Nice try, kid; but I'm not falling for that trick. Now let's get you settled in your room and wait for those vampires to show up. (_he drags a protesting Charlie and the other Children of the Red King to their rooms_)

*****

(_meanwhile at the movie theater_)

**Snape**: I can't believe I'm watching Watchmen, again!

**Lucius**: since when did you watch the movie first?

**Snape**: When Stacey and Gabriel went. I swear those boys are mine are going to drive me into my grave!

**Bellatrix**: Oh you know those boys gotta have action!

**Wormtail**: Right on! anyway, I'm bored. Wanna sneak over and see _Race to Witch Mountain_?

**Lucius**: As long as it's not boring! (_all four go to watch said movie_)

*****

(_meanwhile back at Hogwarts..._)

**Carlisle**: Sir, we have arrived.

**Dumbledore**: Very Good. I want you to teach a course about creatures in the wizarding world.

**Jacob**: Uh, Dr. Fang, no offense to you or anything like that, but I think you should reconsider the job offer.

**Carlisle**: Why, Jake?

**Jacob**: I don't trust him; I smell deceit in his clothes.

**All**: Jacob?!

**Leah**: You and your big mouth are gonna get us all in trouble!

**Jacob**: Leah?!

**Dumbledore**: I've got your rooms ready so if you all would...(_just then the group of vampires and werevolves run him over. Lupin shows up_)

**Lupin**: Yay! I'm not the only werewolf around here anymore! (_to the wolves_) Let's be friends!

**Wolves**: Friends!

**Sirius**: Oh brother!

*****

(_meanwhile back in the movie theater..._)

**Voldemort**: Who's up for _Race to Witch Mountain_?

**Kids**: Yay!

**Treasure**: Just as long as it's not rated G.

**Voldemort**: Then let's go! (_to Wormtail_) So how was that movie?

**Wormtail**: You'll enjoy it. Dwayne Johnson's in it.

**Kids**: Yay!

**Voldemort**: Good. Let's go then! (_they all go see_ _Race to Witch Mountain_)

*****

(_Meanwhile in the room where Charlie and his friends are staying..._)

**Charlie**: Dumbledore must be mistaken. We're not the exchange students.

**Olivia**: I know! We're the Children of the Red King, dammit!!

**Tancred**: This is what that Dr. Cullen guy must have warned us about.

**All**: Yeah!

**Manfred**: I say we find that old man and force him to listen to us! He's not gonna silence me so easily! Now who's with me? (_cricket sounds. everyone glares at him_)

**Billy**: Manfred, you really need to work on your leadership skills.

**Manfred**: Yeah. Thought so.

*****

(_Meanwhile in the room where the Cullens and Bella are staying..._)

**Carlisle**: Well, I'm not one to comment on housekeeping, but this is a good castle.

**Alice**: It's a disaster! It needs redecorating!

**Bella**: C'mon, Al. It's not that bad.

**Alice**: And the uniforms are atrocious! Hideous! I shall give them all a makeover.

**Emmett**: Forget it, Bells. Once she's got her makeover mindset, it's hard to stop her.

**Jacob**: Well, that old man seems to be gay...

**Bella**: That's enough, Jacob Black, or I'mma punch you in the face!

**Jasper**: And break your hand, again?

**Bella**: That's besides the point!

*****

(_Meanwhile at the lake..._)

(_the Baudelaires have arrived_)

**Klaus**: Hey, we're here! (_looks around, but no one is there to greet them_) Why isn't anyone here to greet us?

That's all for now! Stay tuned!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	15. No Disney for You!

Scene: At the grounds of Hogwarts, where Klaus argues with Dumbledore and Charlie and company question the violence in so-called Disney movies.

WARNING: this part may contain some an insane Dumbledore, rebellious Charlie and his friends, an angry Naren, and a Disney Nazi. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_Klaus confronts Dumbledore_)

**Klaus**: Why didn't you meet us at the train station?

**Dumbledore**: I was busy greeting all those new students who...hey, wait a minute! are you three the new exchange students?

**Violet**: Yes we are. I understand that this is the school we're supposed to be at?

**Hagrid**: Yes it is. Welcome to Hogwarts. Let me show you to your rooms. (_just then, Sunny bites Hagrid_) Why did she bite me?

**Violet**: She likes you.

**Klaus**: If she didn't, she'd chomp yor finger off.

**Sunny**: Jah riof sabe! (that means _you're ok for a giant_)

**Hagrid**: Thank you very much then. what are your names?

**Violet**: Violet Baudelaire.

**Klaus**: Klaus Baudelaire.

**Sunny**: Sunny!

**Dumbledore**: Very well then. see them to their rooms them. (_Hagrid takes Violet, Klaus, and Sunny to their rooms_.)

----

(_meanwhile_)

**Charlie**: I can't believe the nerve of that old man! Who des he think he is?

**Manfred**: You and me both, Charlie! Let's kill him!

**Billy**: We can't do that! Tthis is a family show!

**Manfred**: They kill people in Disney movies. Even the movies with a G-rating!

**Emma**: WHAT???

**Manfred**: You don't kill people in G-rated movies!

**Billy**: I wanna protest! This isn't a family movie at all! Let's amp up the rating of this show!

**Olivia**: Good idea! But let's be careful, for the writer will keep it PG even though we'll be doing some pretty outrageous stuff and whatnot.

**Charlie**: Let's be careful; we don't want to scare of any kiddies.

**Naren**: Hello?! Have any of you forgetten that I exist?

**Charlie**: Naren? Why are you here?

**Naren**: Same reason you are here, Charlie: to get away from the evil Dark Wizard and find a safe place to stay for a while.

**Manfred**: And now you're stuck here. Welcome to the club. We're all running from teh Dark Lord as well.

**Naren**: Ok; I'll join your club if we do three more scenes before the next cheesy song is played.

**Charlie & Manfred**: Deal! (_Meanwhile the Disney Nazi goes to the audience and says...)_

**Disney Nazi**: NO DISNEY FOR YOU!!!

----

Ok, I was planning to cut to the third chapter of this story but since we didn't give Naren enough screen time, we'll have to add extra scenes into the second chapter. Get ready for more action!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	16. A Moment With Naren

Scene: With Naren Bloor. Note, this is just a filler. Seriously. No real people were hurt during the writing of this chapter.

WARNING: this part may contain Naren Bloor getting back at everyone for not including her in their quest. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_In the room where the Children of the Red King are staying_)

**Charlie**: Why are you here?

**Naren**: I was sent here to get away from the Dark Lord.

**Olivia**: He didn't want you, he only wanted us.

**Naren**: But what if he tried to capture me?

**Charlie**: He wouldn't.

**Naren**: He would.

**Tancred**: So why are you here? You're not really a Bloor's student. The Dark Lord wanted all the Bloor's endowed. Not you.

**Gabriel**: You're not even a student here at this school, are you?

**Naren**: Of course not, silly.

**Lysander**: Don't you even have a concept of what school is?

**Naren**: Uh, yeah?

**Fidelio**: No you don't. If you did, you'd be in school already, not hiding out in the wilderness like a coward.

**Charlie**: Awww c'mon guys, lay off her, please?

**Manfred**: Yes, listen to Charlie. He knows everything.

**Billy**: Shut up, Manfred! You're a bully and you know it!

**Manfred**: Ouch! That hurts!

**Emma**: You deserved it, you moron!

**Manfred**: Like you don't deserve it too!

**Billy**: Shut up, Manfred!

**Lysander**: C'mon people, let's try and get along here. We still haven't decided if we want Naren on our team!

**Olivia**: Like can we even trust her?

**Tancred**: Can we really trust a girl who lives in the wilderness?

**Fidelio**: How do we know she's not a traitor?

**Gabriel**: She could be working for the Bloors for all we know.

**Charlie**: That's enough! Naren is joining us, and no more questions! I understand if you don't know her very well, but we're going to need her. Now, we're going to have to trust her without question! Is that understood?

**Everyone**: Yes, Charlie.

**Charlie**: MANFRED??!!

**Manfred**: Yes, _Boney_.

**Charlie**: Go ahead, Naren.

**Naren**: Thank you.

**Charlie**: I hope you can really help us.

**Naren**: Don't worry I will.

**Manfred**: And if you betray us...

**Naren**: You think this looks like the face of a traitor to you?

**Charlie & Manfred**: No!

**Naren**: Just checking.

**Emma**: How do we know we can trust you? We aren't on good terms with the Bloors, and yet, you're one of them.

**Olivia**: What she said. And no matter how many fanfics pair you up with Charlie, know this: I SAW HIM FIRST!!!

**Naren**: Ok ok I get it I get it! Don't be so testy!

**Fidelio**: Oh don't worry. She won't...much.

**Lysander**: But for now, we've gotten our scene with Naren. (_to Naren_) You better be staying with us in every scene we're in instead of doing your own thing.

**Tancred**: I think everyone wants chapter 3.

**Audience**: We want chapter 3!! Give us chapter 3!!

**Gabriel**: Is this enough for you?

**Naren**: Yeah...ok. We can move on to chapter 3 now.

**Audience**: Hooray!

----

Ok, now that Naren has FINALLY had her moment, we can now head to chapter 3 in this story!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	17. Another Interlude

Scene: Another Interlude.

In the next chapter, Charlie and his friends are at Hogwarts with Harry and the Cullens and the Baudelaires and Lord Voldemort will plot to take down Dumbledore with the remaining Bloor's students.

WARNING: this part may contain yet another cheesy song with even cheesier lyrics. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_cheesy music plays and Charlie, Tancred, Lysander, Fidelio, Gabriel, Olivia, Emma, Billy, Manfred, and Naren dance_)

**Random woman singing**: Here we go, one more time, in a world that we don't know, and you're not gonna believe it, but it's up to me to set things right.

**Random man singing**: And in the greatest adventure of our lives, there's no turning back; we only have but one choice now, that's to move forward...

**Both**: And...IT'S THE OLD TRADITONAL STORY!!! Where anything and everything goes! THE OLD TRADITONAL STORY, And life certainly has changed! Now we will see chapter 3 of the grand old adventure! It's gonna be the greatest adventure of our lives!!! (_cheesy song ends_)

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	18. The Training Begins

Scene: The Training Begins

In this chapter, Voldemort trains his newest recruits and (FINALLY) gets them to see his point of view.

WARNING: this part may contain a blatant misuse of a popular song. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

Here's the next chapter of the story:

(_Back at Bloor's_)

**Voldemort**: And now that we're done watching movies, you children will meet your new classmates, who will educate you in your new venture, Corrie Anne, Tyler, Chloe, Addison, Bartok, Maddy, Ivy, Donnie, Slade, and Treasure.

**Maddy**: I'm Sara Lee now.

**All**:WHAT???

**Sara Lee**: You heard me. I'm Sara Lee now.

**Asa**: Since when did you change your name?

**Sara Lee**: Since that chapter in that bad fanfiction story.

**Dorcas**: Do you have an identity crisis?

**Sara Lee**: No, but that Treasure has like 1,000 last names.

**Voldemort**: Enough, children! It's not time to teach our new friends how to zap muggles and mudbloods, intimidate half-bloods, and reprimand blood-traitors.

**Treasure**: But I thought we agreed not to do that at all!

**Voldemort**: Oh, did we? Well, what I meant to say was that we're going to learn how to intimidate muggles, humiliate idiots, and cause nothing but trouble for all those who hate magic.

**All**: WHAT???

**Bartok**: You work for us now. You will learn that magic is good and anyone who hates people who use amgic must be silenced and humiliated.

**Joshua**: I wanna protest! This isn't what I signed up for! (_everyone else agrees with him_)

**Treasure**: But this is what you must do. You can't just sit around and let those without magic tell you lies and tell you that magic isn't real.

**Addison**: And besides, "_normal_" is so overrated that it's not even funny at all.

**Asa**: So what are we to do now?

**Sara Lee**: You all must be trained as magicians, wizards, people who will intimidate those who think they own everything but they will lose in the end. We're going to mess them up and when it all ends, magic will rule supreme.

**Ivy**: Now you know why you are here?

**Idith**: Same reason you are here: to destroy those who are destroying the world and bring it back to the magical one we all know.

**Voldemort**: Very good. Now it's time for the training to begin. (to Wormtail) Cue some inspirational music!

**Wormtail**: Ok, but I don't know what to choose.

**Slade**: I know. (_he plugs in his iPod and music starts playing_) This isn't exactly inspirational.

**Treasure**: Must I do everything myself? (_she plugs in her iPod and switches to the song Eye of the Tiger_) _This_ is inspirational music!

**Wormtail**: What song is that?

**Treasure**: Eye of the Tiger by Billy Conti from the Rocky III soundtrack.

**Voldemort**: Very good. Now we begin the training. We will not rest until the muggle world has fallen!

* * *

Well, so begins the third part of "_The Old Traditional Story_", in which Lord Voldemort puts his plans into motion and Dumbledore seeks to control the Children of the Red King. Charlie and his friends must free themselves and save their school before it's too late.

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	19. Training at Hogwarts

Scene: Training at Hogwarts

In this chapter, Charlie and the others persuade Jacquel, Harry, Ron, and Hermione to tach them to fight.

WARNING: this part may contain another blatant misuse of a popular song. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

(_Back at Hogwarts_)

**Charlie**: Well that's just great! We're stuck here at Hogwarts with no way to even get out. Now how are we going to take back Bloor's?

**Emma**: I don't know. Maybe we're not meant to go back to Bloor's at all.

**Olivia**: Maybe that Dr. Cullen was right after all. We shouldn't be interfering in this situation at all.

**Manfred**: What's that I hear? You guys are just giving up? You're going to let them win?

**All**: Yeah.

**Manfred**: What the hell is wrong with you? Charlie, where's your defiance? Olivia, where's your bravery? Tanc, how's about getting angry and blowing some of that wind around?

**Tancred**: Since when did you care about us?

**Lysander**: Since that chapter where he tried to be the leader and Billy shut him down.

**Billy**: I don't think Manfred has the capacity for leadership at all.

**Naren**: No, he does not. But then again, why should we trust him?

**Charlie**: I say we ask those wizards for help. Maybe they can help us retake the school.

**Fidelio**: Good idea, Charlie. We'll need all the help we can get. (_they all leave their room and head to the Room of Requirement_)

**Harry**: What are you guys doing here?

**Charlie**: We want to escape and fight for our school.

**Jacquel**: Yeah, I've heard that one 1,000 times.

**All**: WHAT???

**Jacquel**: I've tried to help many people take back their lives, but none of hem really put in the effort to really save themselves.

**All**: Like who?

**Jacquel**: Let's see here…(_grabs a book_) _Phigre from Storm & Discord_…nope, he failed to even escape from his room…(_grabs another book_) _Kaita from Sword's Darkness_…fell dead after defying Dumbledore. I'm afraid that I can't help you guys. Sorry.

**Charlie**: Awww come on! We heard you were the best of the best! Can you help us? PLEASE???

**Harry**: Well…(_looks at Jacquel; she nods_) Ok. We're in. but we'll have to train you very very hard.

**Jacquel**: And it won't be easy, nor will I go easy on you. But we will train you. (_Ron and Hermione show up_)

**Harry**: Say hello to my friends Ron and Hermione. They will also be teaching you.

**Ron**: So do we have an inspirational song?

**Hermione**: I think so. Jacquel's got tons of songs, right Jacquel?

**Jacquel**: Lemme check my iPod. (_soon everyone else shows up_) Well, looks like we've got an even bigger crowd than I though. No matter. It's training time! (_Eye of the Tiger by Billy Conti from the Rocky III soundtrack plays as both groups train their students_)

* * *

The training begins! Next time, we'll be seeing our heroes in action as the fight the ultimate battle; not between good vs. evil, but the ways of love, the meaning of life, and who's really good or bad. Also, this is the final chapter in The Old Traditional Story, so let's bring it to a great, nice cleaned NOT-Disneylike ending!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


	20. The Grande Finale!

Scene: The Grande Finale!!!

WARNING: this part may contain scenes of unnecessary violence, vile language, and poorly constructed Monty Python jokes. Please read with caution. Thank you.

* * *

Ok folks, this is it! The story will now end with chapter 3! (_I did say it would only be 3 chapters_) Now Charlie and his friends will have to escape from Hogwarts; Voldemort and his minions will be attacking Hogwarts, and someone will meet an unexpected end. Now let's begin!

_**

* * *

**_(_at Hogwarts_)

**Jacquel**: Congratulations, guys, your training is now complete. (_everyone cheers_) Now it's time to put your training in motion._  
_

_(at Bloor's)_

**Voldemort**: Now that my new minions are properly trained in the ways of magic, we will now be using our training to intimidate anyone who doesn't like magic. Let's go!_**  
**_

**Narrator**: _And so the Dark Lord and all his minions set off from Bloor's and they proceeded to cause nothing but trouble for the city of Freadwardbobertmc'hammerhimesmitopolis. The people were indeed terrified because the Dark Lord was so angry. Many people were killed just because they condemned the use of magic. But there were some who resisted. They met in the Passing house.  
_

_(at the Passing House)**  
**_

**Paton**: Well, this is great! We've got a bunch of magical troublemakers running around and yelling about.**  
**

**Grizelda**: I say we give these troublemakers what for! (_everyone cheers_)_**  
**_

**Eustacia**: But what about Charlie? He needs to be here in order to do something about this mess._**  
**_

**Ezekiel**: Yeah, but we had to hide him, lest that evil wizard makes him be bad like him!_**  
**_

**Paton**: I'm going out to find Charlie.**  
**

**Amy**: I'm coming with you.**  
**

**Julia**: So am I!**  
**

**Ezekiel**: Wait! You can't go anywhere without powers! They will find you and hurt you!**  
**

**Paton**: Does it look like I want to listen to you? Now who's with me? Let's move!_**  
**_

**Narrator**_: Then Paton and his miniature search party set out from Freadwardbobertmc'hammerhimesmitopolis and they headed off to London. But they weren't alone, for Robbie Evans and his siblings Louise, Felix, David, and Molly came with them. Also there was also Addie Caldwell, Jenner and Maurice Du Bois, and two strange children called Suchart Seeker and Shara Shaze.**  
**_

**Paton**: We have now reached London.**  
**

**Amy**: But where are the children?**  
**

**Ezekiel**: If you were paying attention to the story, you would have found out that some crazy old man has them and Manfred locked up at his school!

**Julia**: We must save them all!

**Paton**: We need to find that school and quickly! _(but little did they know they were being watched)_

**Voldemort**_: _So, we've got a group of rescuers, or do we? Let's get them!_ (he chases after Paton's search party, but disappears.)_

**Bellatrix: **Master?_**  
**_

**Voldemort:**_(standing behind her) _I'm over here!_**  
**_

**Lucius**: Then who's that over there? (_he points to a pile of rags where Voldemort once stood_)_**  
**_

**Voldemort**: Stop looking at those rags and let's go! We need to stop them before they reach Hogwarts!

**Narrator**: _Meanwhile, we go back to Hogwarts, where a quite insane Dumbledore has locked up all the girls in a dungeon cell and threw away the key.**  
**_

**Olivia**: Well, that's kind of not fair!**  
**

**Bella**: You tell me. Old men go insane, pop princesses in jail, what is this world coming to?**  
**

**Jacquel**: This is all my fault. If I haven't trained them…

**Rosalie**: We'd find a way to get out._**  
**_

(_meanwhile_)

**Charlie**: I can't believe that Dumbledore guy would lock up all the girls!

**Tancred**: Who does he think he is, anyway?

**Harry**: I thought he was a great wizard, but now I'm not so sure. Yeah, he wants me to fight for the greater good, but then I recently found out that that "_greater good_" crap is nothing more than a load of horse---

**Random idiot**: Stake sauce!

**Harry**: Thanks.

**Jacob: **I will NOT be stopped by a tiny little cage! Must use reverse cage attack method! (_grabs a remote and rewinds to the point when Seth is about to set off the trick cages_)

**Seth: **Cool, what's that?

**Boys:** Don't touch that rope!

**Seth: **Why not? (_Filch trips over the rope and a cage falls on his head, trapping him_) I'd rather not ask.

**Jacob: **Now let's find the girls! (_they race towards the tower where the girls are being held_)

**Charlie:** Manfred? Where are you?

**Manfred:** I'm in here! (_he grabs Charlie and pulls him into a spare room_)

**Charlie: **What's going on?

**Manfred: **This is the part where horror of unspeakable horror happens and there's lots of making out.

**Charlie: **Gross!

**Manfred: **Yeah. And before that, we have a fearful chat about the horror that is happening right now.

**Charlie: **Don't you mean love confessions?

**Manfred**: You're hopeless, Charlie Bone! Completely and totally hopeless!

**Charlie**: I am not hopeless, Manfred Bloor! You're the one who's mean because he doesn't have his mommy!

**Manfred**: And you're all defiant and stuff because you don't have your father with you!

**Charlie**: You took my father away from me and where is he now, Manny?

**Manfred**: Don't take it out on me, because your father's not here!

**Charlie**: I can take it out on you, you stupid son of a wacky scorpion-eating wombat! In fact, I should just kill you right now, you little…(_just then, Manfred reaches over and kisses him. The Disney Nazi shows up. Music grinds to a halt. Screen cuts to black_)

**Disney Nazi**: Hey, what the hell?! You're not supposed to be watching THAT!! That's disgusting! Here, watch this: (_he shows a Disney singalong. Jacob gets mad and tears him into pieces)_

**Jacob**: Don't worry, kids; he'll never destroy another story again. Here, watch the girls get rescued…

(_In the tower_)

**Jacquel**: I'm going to ask you girls an important question: what is up with today's crappy stories?

**Bella**: I don't know.

**Jacquel**: It's that today's stories are full of crap! I'm tired of all this realistic fiction they try to shove in our faces! Why can't we have a good fantasy for once??? (_just then Laurent shows up_)

**Laurent**: Vampire Rescue Patrol; do any girls here need rescuing?

**Girls**: Over here! (he breaks down the door and the girls rush out)

**Jacquel**: And now we go to fight and I redeem my family!

(_in the Great Hall_)

**Klaus**: Where the hell is Charlie? He should be here by now!

**Jasper**: He's probably off getting the big barrel guns.

**Emmett**: Or maybe he's found a way out.

**All**: I hope so. (_just then the girls and Laurent show up_)

**Ron**: How'd you girls get out?

**Leah**: Easy. A guy came and rescued us.

**Harry**: I will never criticize fairy tales again.

**Jacquel**: But you can criticize Prince Charming. He didn't rescue me from my troubles, so why should I trust him? And besides, I liked the idea of being rescued. (_just then Charlie and Manfred show up_)

**Emma**: About time you two sons of a filthy goblin-minded rat managed to show up here! Where are the guns?

**Charlie**: I've got a letter. Since Uncle Paton might want to rescue us, I'd figure I would write and ask for help.

**Fidelio**: Good idea, Charlie!

**Charlie**: And then we tie it to a brick and hurl it out the window and hope he finds it…(_Leah throws the brick…WITHOUT THE LETTER ATTACHED!!!_)

**Bella**: Leah, you idiot!

**Leah**: What? Oh come on now, Bella, I was only trying to help!

**Rosalie**: You could have waited *until* he put the letter on the brick and tied it up BEFORE you threw it!

**Leah**: So what? You're blaming ME for his loss?

**Rosalie**: Bring it on, you little punk! (_They start fighting_)

(_Meanwhile_)

**Dumbledore**: What's going on here? (Jacquel is behind him)

**Jacquel**: What the hell is wrong with you?

**Dumbledore**: Oh, Miss Romanov, if only your mother was smarter…

**Jacquel**: Don't you _______ dare drag my mother into this! You murdered her, didn't you, you sick bastard?

**Dumbledore**: I don't know what you're talking about.

**Jacquel**: I know you _____ her and murdered her, you sick child of a wacky reptile-faced anaconda! And guess what? I'm gonna make you pay for her death…with YOURS!!! (_Harry shows up_)

**Harry**: Jacquel, bad news…

**Jacquel**: Harry, can't you see that I'm in the middle of a conflict here? I'm gonna take down Dumbledore!

**Harry**: He's here!

**Jacquel**: CRAP! (_to Dumbledore_) I'll deal with you later!

(_at Hogwarts lake_)

**Voldemort**: Bwaahahahahahahahahahaha! I've now reached Hogwarts and I'm taking over the school! Everyone will bow to me or…(_just then the brick Leah threw earlier hits him in the face. He screams and says some words that won't be published in this story_)

**Charlie**: Who the heck is he?

**Embry**: I don't know.

**Harry**: Lord Voldemort, I might have known it was you the whole time! You're causing all the trouble in...(_turns to Olivia_) What was your town's name again?

**Olivia**: Freadwardbobertmc'hammerhimesmitpolis.

**Harry**: Thought so. Anyway, you're nothing more than a Holy son of a putrid worm-eating trogg! You and your Death Eaters make me laugh with all your talk about "_muggles this_" and "_pureblood that_"! Well, it ends now!

**Voldemort**: And you're just Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Is-A-Pain-In-My-Behind!

**Harry**: Well looky here, you snake-faced child of a swollen badger-brained spider! I laugh at your funny looking no-nose icky looking mug! I mock all your _Ugly Betty_-like stepsisters, you sons of a giant worm-minded rat! (_Children of the Red King start laughing_) Now back off, or I will insult you again! (_The kids laugh at Voldemort, who is clearly insulted_)

**Voldemort**: Children! Remember who you work for! (_the laughter dies immediately_)

**Harry**: Do you have a death wish, you Holy snake-like child of a pimply shrew-hating platypus? We shall throw bricks at your head!

**Charlie**: No, Harry, not bricks. I've got something even better.

**Tancred**: What can be better than bricks?

**Bella**: Dodgeballs! ATTACK!!! (_the kids send hundreds of dodgeballs hurtling towards the Death Eaters, who are much taken aback by the attack_)

**Voldemort**: Avada Kedavra! Harry Potter, this be your final act! (_he zaps Harry, but Dumbledore is hit by the curse_)

**Dumbledore**: But why, Harry?

**Harry**: Because, you son of a swollen spider-hating kangaroo, you ruined my life, you made me live with people I hate, you're using me as a human shield against the Dark Lord just so you can claim victory…(_Jacquel grabs Dumbledore and knocks him off the wal_l)

**Jacquel**: Who's the smarter one now, ***beech***?

**Edward**: Ok, that's enough. Now let's face him head on! (_before they could do so, a bunch of knights show up_)

**Sean**: Evil Voldemort! (_Voldemort looks at him_) Today, the blood of thousands of innocent people shall be avenged! This time, I won't stop fighting until you and every one of your evil minions lies dead! (_to knights_) CHARGE!!!!

**Voldemort**: STOP THEM!!! But Sean is mine! (_just then, a very violent battle ensues_)

**Tancred**: I use hurricane flash! (_just then, Asa sees the flash_)

**Asa**: Look out, guys! It's Tancred! The weather kid! (_the kids get hit by the flash and get soaked_)

**Addison**: You never told us that there were GOOD kids!

**Dorcas**: Why should we? (_just then, an illusion of birds swoop over everyone's heads_)

**Bartok**: BIRDS??? I FREAKING HATE BIRDS!!! (_he runs off screaming his head off_)

**Emma**: Nice job, Olivia.

**Olivia**: Thanks. (_just then Billy has Disney figurines loaded onto catapults_)

**Billy**: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!! (_figurines pelt the other kids_)

**Treasure**: What the bloody hell…DISNEY FIGURINES??? I HATE DISNEY!!!

**Charlie**: Let us throw more dodgeballs at them! (_dodgeballs are hurled at the children_)

**Asa**: That's it! We can't beat them! Let's give up now! (_a white flag is waved_)

**Jacquel**: Those evil kid minions are giving up!!! We win!!!

**All**: Hooray!! (_just then Paton shows up_)

**Paton**: There you kids are!

**Ezekiel**: Yay! You taught those others a lesson!! They will get detention after we get back to Bloor's!

**Amy**: Charlie, you're ok!

**Charlie**: Of course I am, mom. I mean, with wizards and witches and vampires and werewolves, no one could possibly hurt me.

**Julia**: Good for you kids. You've won the day!

**Suchart**: All right, wait a sec here! This isn't Lord Voldemort!

**Sean**: He isn't? Then who is he?

**Robbie**: He's…(_rips off disguise_)

**All**: WEEDON?!

**Lysander**: I KNEW IT!!!

**Charlie**: But why?

**Weedon**: I served the Bloors all these years and they never thanked me or anything like that. That's when I got involved with Norton. But now he's in jail for life because of you snot-nose royal brats!

**Manfred**: Watch it punkface, or I'll bounce you from here to Moscow, back around China and up through Mexico!

**Weedon**: Oh, hello, Manfred.

**Manfred**: DON'T YOU DARE "_OH HELLO MANFRED_" ME, YOU DOG-NOSED HEAD SNAPPER!! You killed the real dark lord and dressed up as him!

**Wormtail**: I knew he was a fake!

**Gabriel**: So who are you guys?

**Naren**: Oh, you haven't met Suchart and Shara? They and I are the Storybook Police, and our job is to make sure that the stories are corrected and everyone, and I mean bad guys included, live happily ever after.

**Charlie**: So that's why you're not at Bloor's.

**Naren**: Right. But since this is our last job, since we arrested the Volturi and Count Olaf a few weeks back and locked them up in a horrible prison that's so bad that not even Sirius Black can escape from it, we'll have to go to school. (_to Weedon_) You are under arrest for causing a disturbance in Freadwardbobertmc'hammerhimesmitpolis, recruiting children to do your evil works and lying about yourself to gain followers.

**Weedon**: I HATE CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY THE CHILDREN OF THE RED KING!!!

**Shara**: And we're using that against you. Now come quietly…(_Weedon is taken away_)

**Charlie**: Great! Since there's no more Lord Voldemort and Dumbledore got what he deserved, what do we do now?

**Naren**: I don't know.

(_a few weeks later_)

**Charlie**: It's so good to be back in Bloor's. but for some reason, I miss those other guys.

**Lysander**: Us too, Charlie.

**Gabriel**: I admit it was pretty cool hanging out with real wizards.

**Emma**: Same here.

**Fidelio**: I wonder what's happening to those other guys…

(_in detention_)

**Dr. Bloor**: And for cooperating with a criminal, you will all receive 5 months detention! (_kids groan_)

**Joshua**: But that's not fair!

**Ezekiel**: Fair is fair, Joshua Tilpin. You did a bad thing, now you are to be punished!

**Sara Lee**: But why are you punishing us? We don't even go here!

**Ezekiel**: Shut up and stay in here for five months! (_laughs wildly as he leaves_)

**Billy**: Now what?

**Charlie**: We finish singing that wacky song that we sang in the first scene!

**Billy**: Oh, but of course! (_but Manfred stops them_)

**Manfred**: How's about a…hug, Charlie Bone?

**Charlie**: Ok. (_he gives Manfred a hug_)

**Olivia**: Oh great! Charlie turned Manfred into a big softie!

**Tancred**: I kind of like the new Manfred.

**Gabriel**: Me too.

**Manfred**: Well…don't get your hopes up. (_just then Treasure and the others come to them_)

**Treasure**: We've got something for you…

**All**: Like WHAT?!

**Treasure**: THIS!!! (_Harry and his friends, the Baudelaires, the Cullens, and the wolves come out_)

**Charlie**: What's happening?

**Sara Lee**: It's a party! You know, to celebrate a good clean, non-Disney-like ending!

**Treasure**: Because I hate Disney.

**Suchart**: And you did a great job making everyone get along.

**Billy**: Who are you guys?

**Shara**: We're those random people who sang the old traditional story theme song.

**Emma**: I thought you were the storybook police.

**Suchart**: Yup, that too.

**Shara**: So we will sing for you guys one more time…HIT IT!!!

* * *

(_cheesy music plays and everyone in the room dance_)

**Shara singing**: Well, we have done what we have done; and that is set things right. Now we can go on with the rest of our lives…

**Suchart singing**: We have certainly gone on the greatest adventure of our lives, and now that adventure has come to an end…

**Both**: And...IT'S THE OLD TRADITONAL STORY!!! Where good things happen all the time! THE OLD TRADITONAL STORY, And life is certainly grand! Now back to the real world you we shall send, for we only have two words left to say…

**All**: THE END!!! (_cheesy song ends_)

* * *

Well, so ends the Old Traditional Story, everyone! But don't be too upset, because I've got some more Charlie Bone fnafics coming soon!

* * *

Do you like it? Hate it? Then Review!!


End file.
